Cowardice, C.S. Lewis, and the End of Term

Today is the end of term for me, I just wrote my Reformation History exam, which I will probably be penalized for because I included more information than we were taught in class (I wish I was kidding). I received back my essay on Lutheran and Roman Catholic doctrines of Justification and why they mattered, and my TA didn’t understand it. A self-proclaimed Catholic, she said I should’ve fully explained what Purgatory was (which for someone teaching a course on the indulgence controversy is a little ridiculous) and in general had no clue why Christ’s perfect imputed righteousness would necessarily mean it didn’t exist… God help me. She gave me an 80% which is good, in principle I never complain about anything above 80, but I was just angry, because it was such a good paper. I thought I should’ve got about a 95% (realistically in the humanities they never give you this high though). My dad is angry at me for not contesting the paper. It’s just that I’ve already corrected the professor the whole semester – I even pointed out a typo on his exam today (in Latin even)- and he doesn’t like me alot. So I’m pretty much disliked by everyone right now.

On top of that, I got invited to a party in celebration of the end of exams, but I don’t really know anyone going aside from the guy who invited me, and people naturally don’t like me (as is probably the case with most people whose lifelong dream is to become a Jesuit theologian or Church Historian). As I walked upstairs I was reminded of a quote from C.S. Lewis where he describes cowardice and he finishes the paragraph by asking if he himself is guilty of it, and his response is “I am a great coward”. I feel like C.S. Lewis today. Reading Cardinal Newman and drinking Earl Grey tea while everyone is getting drunk in celebration of the end of exams…

“You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me” – C.S. Lewis