Rebuilding Healthy Relations: Reconciliation, Forgiveness, Acceptance and Unity

Text: Philemon 1-26

¹ Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus, and Timothy our brother, To Philemon our dear friend and fellow worker, ² to Apphia our sister, to Archippus our fellow soldier and to the church that meets in your home: ³ Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. ⁴ I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers, ⁵ because I hear about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints. ⁶ I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ. ⁷ Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the saints. ⁸ Therefore, although in Christ I could be bold and order you to do what you ought to do, ⁹ yet I appeal to you on the basis of love. I then, as Paul—an old man and now also a prisoner of Christ Jesus— ¹⁰ I appeal to you for my son Onesimus, who became my son while I was in chains. ¹¹ Formerly he was useless to you, but now he has become useful both to you and to me. ¹² I am sending him—who is my very heart—back to you. ¹³ I would have liked to keep him with me so that he could take your place in helping me while I am in chains for the gospel. ¹⁴ But I did not want to do anything without your consent, so that any favor you do will be spontaneous and not forced. ¹⁵ Perhaps the reason he was separated from you for a little while was that you might have him back for good— ¹⁶ no longer as a slave, but better than a slave, as a dear brother. He is very dear to me but even dearer to you, both as a man and as a brother in the Lord. ¹⁷ So if you consider me a partner, welcome him as you would welcome me. ¹⁸ If he has done you any wrong or owes you anything, charge it to me. ¹⁹ I, Paul, am writing this with my own hand. I will pay it back—not to mention that you owe me your very self. ²⁰ I do wish, brother, that I may have some benefit from you in the Lord; refresh my heart in Christ. ²¹ Confident of your obedience, I write to you, knowing that you will do even more than I ask. ²² And one thing more: Prepare a guest room for me, because I hope to be restored to you in answer to your prayers. ²³ Epaphras, my fellow prisoner in Christ Jesus, sends you greetings. ²⁴ And so do Mark, Aristarchus, Demas and Luke, my fellow workers. ²⁵ The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.

Introduction:

Dear Sojourners, rebuilding healthy relations is a complex process that requires a concerted effort between the two people concerned or the communities affected. It is a process that requires openness and genuineness from both parties. It requires setting aside the historical causes of the conflicts, the pains caused and the attitudes created. It is not coming to the process with the positions taken and re-enforced but with open minds and, flexible enough to accommodate ‘the other’. This is what Paul alludes to when he writes to the Philippians (2:1-2); ¹“If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, ²then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.”

Dear Sojourners, the final part of the process of rebuilding healthy relations is that:

6. If You Choose To Trust Again, Aim for Unity

Dear Sojourners, one of the by-products of rebuilding healthy relations is unity. Since unity is what sustains a healthy relation, we must aim for it. The Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary, 7^th Edition; International Student’s Edition, in page 1614 has five definitions/explanations of ‘unity’. I would like to use the first four definitions/explanations as the basis for the discussions of this devotion:

1. “…the state of being in agreement and working together; the state of being joined together to form one unit…”

Unity, as the end result of rebuilding healthy relations is first and foremost about agreement. Agreement comes about as a result of negotiated diverse opinions, differences and conflicts. An agreement, being a product of negotiations, may not be what either side expected, since, each side had to recede some ground in order to reach / achieve an agreement. Receding some ground, especially when positions held are re-enforced is not easy. I believe that is whey Paul exhorts the Philippians (4:2-3), ²”I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to agree with each other in the Lord. ³Yes, and I ask you, loyal yokefellow, help these women who have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.”

The process of agreement requires that both parties come down, from their hard-line positions, to a common ground where the negotiation can take place. A successful negotiation would need a mediator; and this is the position that Paul took in order for Philemon and Onesimus to rebuild their healthy relation. It is the same position Paul is asking the “loyal yoke fellow” to take in order to ensure a negotiation between Euodia and Syntyche at Philippi. Further, Paul writes:

• 1 Corinthians 1:10 “I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought.”

Secondly, unity as the end result of rebuilding healthy relations is about togetherness. It is the agreement that brings about togetherness and togetherness sets us on the path towards rebuilding healthy relations. This is why prophet Amos (3:3) asks; “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?”

1. “…the state of looking or being complete in a natural and pleasing way…”

Unity brings about completeness in fellowship to rebuild healthy relations. Completeness shows that a process has taken place and looking complete or is complete. The kind of unity, which is pleasing, is what”

• The Psalmist (133:1) envisaged when he said, “How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!”
• Jesus prayed for his disciples, (John 17:21, 23); ²¹“That all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. ^23”I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.”
• Paul meant when he told the Ephesians (2:15) that, “For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility,”

1. “…any of the principles of classical or neoclassical theatre that restrict the action of a play to a single story…”

Rebuilding healthy relations aims at achieving ‘a single story’. Even though the parties concerned are distinct entities, they unite in such a way that the outcome is a single unit. A play may have several scenes and actors but at the end, it is the story told that remains. In the language of chemistry, the reaction when the elements come together is a chemical reaction. In a chemical reaction, you cannot recover the individual elements. To some extent, in order to get a single story, the individuals may have to “loose” themselves and never exist / live for themselves. This is what we see in:

• Jesus’ use of the complete tree (John 15:1-8); it has the trunk and the branches, ““I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing” (15:5). You cannot have a tree unless you have the branches etc.
• Paul’s use of the example of the body, which is made up of distinctive parts; “The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ” (1 Cor. 12:12).

1. “…a single thing that may consist of a number of different parts…”

Rebuilding healthy relations does not necessarily mean that the individuals “loose” themselves and get consumed up into a different thing. Even though they attain unity, they still retain their individual characteristics. They still have room to live for themselves. In the language of chemistry, this is called a physical reaction. A physical reaction is reversible. For example a fellowship is made of distinct Christians. For example:

• Malachi 3:16; “Then those who feared the LORD talked with each other, and the LORD listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the LORD and honored his name.”

• Acts 2:42-44; ⁴²“They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. ⁴³Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles.⁴⁴All the believers were together and had everything in common.”

Conclusion

Dear Sojourners, unity is the evidence of healthy relations. Therefore:

• Unity does not necessarily mean uniformity. We don’t have to think the same, act the same nor behave the same. Unity is not a “uniform” we have to put on at all times as evidence. That is why we say “we are to disagree”. That does not mean we are enemies but we can still live in unity.
• Unity does not mean being “brain-washed” or being a robot / zombie. Even though I work with you towards unity, I still cherish “me”. I will not necessarily sacrifice my otherness on the altar of unity. Therefore, as you join me in working for unity, be warned that “me” still exists.
• Unity is accommodative. It is accommodative because the other person has a different personality which will create conflicts with my personality. As we aim for unity, let us be aware of the conflicts which will arise. Unless each one of us truly believe like Paul and say “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Cor. 5:7) and that, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Gal. 2:20)

As complex as it is, unity is still the cord that binds us together to ensure that the relations we have worked so hard to rebuild will stand. After we have labored to accomplish forgiveness, working at reconciliation, giving them another chance, accepting them in a new way and risking, we must aim at unity so that we maintain healthy relations after we have rebuild them.

Amen

(To be continued)

Your, Fellow Sojourner by the grace of God

—
Rev. Simon J. Oriedo
P. O. Box 14814– 00100, GPO
Nairobi – Kenya
Tel. +254 – 722838023 / 735621172 / 772838023

E-mail : sjoriedo@gmail.com;  sjoriedo@yahoo.com